that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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