i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
