Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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