I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
