I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
