the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
