I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
