the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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