dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
