I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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