running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
