im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
