I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
