Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
