I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
