whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
