Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
