oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
