Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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