I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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