Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
