Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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