Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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