help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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