I wish my penis had an off switch
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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