I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
