Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
as a side note pls kill me
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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