no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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