i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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