I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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