Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
