You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
