please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
