she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
