sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I bet he comes in French.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
