I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
