OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
