The maid of honor just puked.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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