Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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