Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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