but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
