Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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