drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
