I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
