Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
