Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Shame is for Republicans.
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