i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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