My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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