dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
