I accidentally burped into my bong.
there's paper in my vomit.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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