How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
