you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
my being single is dangerous.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
