Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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