u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
