You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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