So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
